#HHT, an ode to the p33n, Ask the p33n, BDB, Black Dagger Brotherhood, Breaking Dawn, Butts, chocolate, Cosmopolis, COUP, cum, Don DeLillo, Dr Suess, Eclipse, Edward Cullen, fingerp0rn, Golden Globe awards, Golden globes, golden lemon awards, Green pants and p33n, Happy Trail, Holy hard tool, Little Ashes, long fingers, manmeat, New Moon, p33n of the year, PattinPerv, PCAs, Pineapples, plaid, poem, pubes, Rob hot, rob pattinson, Rob’s fingers, RobButt, Robert Pattinson, Robp33n, Robp33n Wednesdays, Robpeen Wednesdays, Robporn, Robs peen, Robtail, Robward, RPattz, sexiest man alive, spunk, stays in Vegas, Team Edward, Team Rob, TheColdShower, Twilight, Vegas, Very pervy pervs, Viva Las P33nis, VPP, VPPs, What happens in Vegas
“Hey ladies! I’m back for another week of Ask the Peen! This week, all our questions come from Tina Dubois! She’s one of the resident Cold Shower HooRs if you didn’t already know her sexy ass. I wanted to have her in the room for the interview, but after watching Steph’s interview and everything, I think it’s best to keep Edward and Rod safe and sound, don’t you think?” I sit down and get comfortable for the interview just as Edward and Rod walk in.
Edward takes Rod out before sitting down, stroking him lightly as Rod begins to straighten up. He appears to have been napping by the lazy grin on his face.
“Rod, Edward, how are you two?” I ask, honestly curious about my two favorite people…peenple…my favorite person and peen, how’s that?
“We’re good, pretty damn good in fact. Things have been looking up for us,” Edward says, smiling a smile of someone that has recently become very happy.
Sucks that it isn’t me making him all that happy lately. Damn bitches named Bella!
“Yeah, I’m really looking UP,” Rod adds and puts on his cocky cock grin, making me smile. Oh that peen knows me all too well.
“Good for you,” I smile and nod, not wanting to encourage him more than he encourages himself. “Ok, we have another guest interviewer today, Tina Dubois.
Since I fear for your safety in a room with the h00rs, I decided to conference call her in on this. I already have her on the line so let me connect her in here.”
I push a few buttons and the line lights up on the phone beside me.
“Tina, are you there?” I ask.
“Yeah,” she answers, the giddy smile evident in her voice.
“Hi, Tina,” Edward and Rod say in unison and the ear piercing, glass breaking scream that comes through the phone causes me to grab my ears and Rod and Edward to cringe.
When it stops I smile at them apologetically.
“Sorry, she’s a little, um, excited to be talking to you two,” I mean, what else can I say?
“I’m ok now,” Tina says, her words all raspy as she breaths heavily in the phone and I begin to fear what she’s doing on the other end of that line. Best to just ignore it.
“Are you sure? Cause if you’re not, we can always reschedule,” I drift off, knowing what she’ll say.
“NO!” Tina shouts and I hide my laugh as Rod and Edward smile at her enthusiasm.
“Well then, let’s start with the questions,” and I leave the floor open for her.
“Ok, first off, um hi Edward and Rod…can I kiss you?” Tina says in a slight whisper and I just sit there shaking my head at her.
“Hi, Tina,” Edward says before Rod butts in.
“Of course, Tina. I would welcome your kisses any day, as long as Prudeward up there allows it that is,” Rod shoots Edward a glare and is studiously ignored.
There is another resounding squeal before Tina’s voice resumes talking.
“Ok, well, my first two questions are Rod, would you ever get a piercing or a fancy tattoo like Pinocchio or Puff the Magic Dragon?” Damn good questions!
“Well, I’m not too fond of having chunks of me removed so I’d have to say no to the piercings. Plus, they would put me out of commission for a while so I could heal up.
But a tattoo…now I’ve seen those photos and I’ve always aspired to be someone I wasn’t. So, maybe I’d get one like either of them one day so that I could fulfill my fantasy.” Rod wanted to be a puppet or a dragon? Interesting… Maybe I could talk him and Edward into some role playing.
“Ok, next question. How do you two feel about women with piercings?” Tina says, and I can almost detect a hopeful note in her words. Does she have piercings?
“Well, it all depends on the piercings and if they are done tastefully. No one wants to go to bed with a airport security or magnet hazard, but a few in the right places…” Edward begins but Rod interrupts.
“Such as the clit or nipples or tongue…oh yes, the tongue. Tina, baby, do you have a tongue piercing?” Rod asks excitedly.
“Down boy,” Edward scolds him and I swear to god, a pouting peen is the cutest thing ever!
“Ok, next one, Tina.”
“What is the longest time you’ve gone without sex?” Tina asks and I get ready for the reply because I know that Rod’s going to get testy on this one.
“What’s today? Hmmm, let’s see. Two? Three months now? What do you think, Eddie boy? How long have you kept me put up? I’m getting old and decrepit here. You know that old saying, use it or lose it? Well yeah, I’m thinking I’m going to lose it if you don’t use me pretty damn soon!” Rod’s yelling so loudly that he’s actually vibrating and I swear I can see the beginning sheen of the internal lubricant of his starting to shine on his bald head.
“Jesus! You are like Pavlov’s dogs! Talk about sex and you’re like your own personal vibrator!” Edward scowls at Rod and the look that Rod gives back is practically priceless. He looks like a homicidal peen, ready to start slashing cervix’s if he doesn’t get any soon.
“Ok, you two, settle down. Tina, do you have your last question ready?” I ask, trying to get through this interview before Edward and Rod start throwing down.
“Yep! Ok, Edward, how would you feel if you woke up in a woman’s body?” Tina asks with a big smile in her voice and I can’t wait for the answer.
“Well, I imagine that I’d feel horny because of this asshole down here,” Edward says gesturing toward Rod. “Even if I lost him because of being in a woman’s body, I’m sure that little dick would still be in there somewhere. Hell, he’d probably be trying to fuck me! You know I’d be a sexy bitch if I was a woman.”
“Damn skippy!” Rod shouts out and Tina and I burst out laughing.
“Well, I think that’s the end of another interview. Tina, thank you for joining us today and I’m sure Rod and Edward are happy about it too.”
“Yes, thank you,” Edward and Rod both say and Tina gushes through the line.
“Ok, thanks everyone for joining in and we’ll see you next time back here with Edward and your favorite peen, Rod Pattinhead!”