#HHT, an ode to the p33n, BDB, Black Dagger Brotherhood, Breaking Dawn, Butts, chocolate, Cosmopolis, cum, Don DeLillo, Dr Suess, Eclipse, Edward Cullen, fingerp0rn, Golden Globe awards, Golden globes, golden lemon awards, Green pants and p33n, Happy Trail, Holy hard tool, Little Ashes, long fingers, manmeat, New Moon, p33n of the year, PattinPerv, PCAs, Pineapples, plaid, poem, pubes, Rob hot, rob pattinson, Rob’s fingers, RobButt, Robert Pattinson, Robp33n, Robp33n Wednesdays, Robpeen Wednesdays, Robporn, Robs peen, Robtail, Robward, RPattz, sexiest man alive, spunk, stays in Vegas, Team Edward, Team Rob, TheColdShower, Twilight, Vegas, Very pervy pervs, Viva Las P33nis, VPP, VPPs, What happens in Vegas
Good Friday all. Shannon is MIA and I have paused my reading of BDB so I could bring you this week’s ‘Ask the Peen’. I know I haven’t been very active in the group this past week. The Brotherhood has captured my attention and not let it go. Edward can have my heart but Rhage and Rehvenge can have my body. Over and over and over and… Ok, moving on. Despite my distraction, I have been stopping in to see what everyone’s been doing and paying close attention to all the peen pics. ( Thanks Tina!!) Especially the comparison pics. Those led to some interesting question posed to our boys along with a couple of birthday shout outs.
“So, Edward, how’s it going?” I ask as we both get comfortable.
“Well, if you have heard about the latest idiotic move I made with Bella then you’d know that it’s not going too well. Besides, Rod made a total fool out of himself, declaring himself Captain Cave Peen. You do not, under any circumstances, refer to a woman’s ladybits as a cave,” Edward says as he began to unbutton his jeans to let Rod out for the interview.
“Oh I know all about that. But, we can discuss that later. For now, let’s get to the questions,” I say as I look down at my note cards.
“Our first question comes from the TCS Mafia page from Tina Dubois who is our resident peen pic spammer. She says, Rod if you could compare yourself in size to something what would it be?..A Pringles or coke can, a tube of toothpaste, what?”
“Wait, you’re asking if he’s ever measured me? Well sure, what guy hasn’t measured their peen?” Rod says before Edward can answer.
“But what has he used to measure you?” I ask, quirking my eyebrow at the two of the as Edward blushes in a tell-tale way. Oh yeah, he’s done it before. “You know, I have a few items here,” I say as I pull out a box that contains multiple items with which we can measure. “Here’s a water bottle, a container of liquid Coffee Mate creamer, a tube of toothpaste, a paper towel cardboard roll, oh and wait. I even have a can of Pringles. So, Edward, which have you used? Or would you like me to hold them to Rod for comparison? I’m more than willing to, really I am.”
Edward mumbled something that I couldn’t quite catch while Rod stood there at attention looking like a smug dick.
“Huh? Couldn’t understand that,” I prompt him.
“Coffee Mate…fucking Coffee Mate! Rod’s the size of a container of Coffee Mate. But not that little one you have over there. Get out the 32oz one and you’ll have a match,” Edward said, crossing his arms.
“Yep, Crystal baby, I’m the size of creamer, and full of it too. Want a shot for your drink? I can put it right down y our throat…” Rod adds in, smiling at me.
“Hey, Rod, do you happen to know the dimensions of the container you resemble?” I have to know.
“Oh yeah, it’s 9.1″ long, and 3.7″ around. I’m not exactly as thick as it, but I don’t want to stretch the pusses like they’re rubber bands or anything.” He really has a point there. No elasty vag here.
Satisfied, I move to the next question.
“Your next question is actually for Edward. Seagull Eighty-three wants to know if you would ever post a pic of Rod on a “post your peen” website such as Monstercockland?”
Edward, who was taking a drink of water, spewed the mouthful across the room.
“What kind of question is that?” he asks, his eyebrows furrowing as he glares at me.
“I’m just the messenger! Don’t get mad at me. Psst, Rod, has he ever done it?”
“Nope, we may share me on the screen, but never just for kicks on the computer. Though I’m sure someone’s done a screenshot of me and posted it there. I mean, really, who wouldn’t want to look at me and compare me to put other peens to shame?” Rod smiles at me once more, winking when I smile back.
“Ok, I think that’s it for this week,” I start to say but Edward interrupts me.
“Wait, where’s Shannon this week?” Rod looks up, curious for that answer too.
“You really don’t want to know,” I say, shaking my head slightly.
Edward just raises an eyebrow to me, challenging me on that one. Sighing, I start to answer him.
“See, there’s this GILF that has a Pringle Peen and she mentioned something about hunting him down based on some emblem on his jacket or cloak or something, but then she called and left me a voicemail stating that she had met the King GILF of Pringle Peens and was going to become Queen Pringle Peen of the land of Canister Cocks,” I ramble and Edward and Rod start to look at me with confused looks on their faces.
Before I could elaborate more, the door to the interview room bursts open and Shannon runs in, a weird crown made of Pringles and penis candy around her head as she collapses into the empty chair beside me.
“Sorry…late…big Pringle peen…couldn’t walk,” she pants through her heaving breaths as we all just stare at her with odd expressions. She doesn’t seem fazed by our looks in the slightest and continues talking once she catches her breath.
“Hey, you forgot to get Stephanie’s questions in there. I found them on the table back home. Got them right here,” she says as she waves them in the air.
“Ok, well ask them,” I say, embarrassed that I had forgotten them.
“She asked first, Edward, massages…soft slow and sensual or hard and rough?? How do you like to be rubbed??” Shannon and I both look to Edward, ready to take notes.
“Well, I actually prefer to give over receive, and then it’s up to the woman, but I’ve found that slow and sensual is highly desired by the women, and that I’m pretty damn good at it.” Edward smiles his half smile at us and we both melt, our thighs rubbing together at the thought of him rubbing us.
“Dibs,” I whisper to Shannon and she gives me the stink eye before grinning wildly.
“Fine, but I have dibs on Rod.” My mouth drops open at that and she just laughs, moving on to the next question from Stephanie.
“Rod, has there ever been a time you thought…oh HELL NO, I AM NOT GOING IN THAT HOLE??”
I watch Rod shudder involuntarily as he most likely remembers that puss. Then, he swallows slowly before speaking.
“All I will say is Gaping Giana, as we called her.” He looks a little green around the slit so Shannon decides to leave it there and move onto the last question from Stephanie.
“Stephanie’s last question is this: toys and props, I know Rod and Edward both use them in the movies, but what about in real life, do you two like to play with toys and if so what is your favorite?? Or would you prefer to watch whoever you’re with pleasure herself with the toys before you dive in??”
Edward and Rod both grin like horny teenage boys as they look at each other and then to Shannon and I.
“Toys, fuck yes, any and all as long as they don’t go in the exit only door,” Rod says before Edward continues for him.
“And watch, definitely watch and then dive.”
I think I wet my panties imagining that and had to distract myself with one final thing.
“Edward, Rod, one last thing. We have a few birthday ladies that we thought you could say hi to for a treat. They are Maria Eulalia Gonzalez, Nuria Santiago, and Shay (aka 50Shayds).”
“Oh, of course I can indulge you with that. Maria, Nuria, and Shay, oh yeah Shay, I definitely remember you. Let me first say happy birthday to you beautiful three. And if we could, Rod and I would take each of you, one at a time, slowly and sensually until you screamed our names and couldn’t walk a straight line.” Edward winks as Rod swells thinking of it and I think that it’s time to end the interview.
“Ok, well, now that they need to go change their panties after that, I think it’s a good time to stop and remind the ladies that we will be back next week, same time, same place. And don’t forget to ask your questions for Rod and Edward. Trust us when we say that no topic is sacred with these two.”