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You have successfully tuned in into another episode of “Ask the p33n (aka Rod Pattinhead)” with Shannon & Crystal. Enjoy!

I’m riding snug in my banana hammock as Edward stalks into the reserve interview room for this week’s session of Ask the P33n. However, the room is empty. No Crystal, no Shannon. Just empty chairs where they are normally perched, anxiously awaiting MY arrival. I know they like to make Edward think it’s for him, but I know it’s really for me.

Edward begins to pace nervously, waiting for the interview to be done. I know he’s all worked up about tonight. He’s got a ‘date’ of sorts with Bella. Wait, shit! That means that I’ll be seeing Hot Puss. Cue sweaty brothers. Why had we agreed to go out with Irina tonight knowing that she was inviting the duo? Oh yeah, because we were hot for puss, and Bella too.

“Yo, Edward, why don’t you take me out and get me ready. It’s a little stuffy in here,” I yelled up at Edward and he just sighed and complied.

The pacing resumed as Edward almost wore a pathway in the carpet. After thirty minutes, he began to mutter to himself.

“Where are they? They should have been here thirty minutes ago!” Edward said to no one in particular.

“Hell, I don’t know, I’m just a dick,” I replied and he scowled at me. “Hey, what are those papers over there? By that stack of books? Maybe those are our questions,” I suggested as I spied the items on the table between Shannon’s and Crystal’s chairs.

Edward walked over and picked up the papers. There were strange words like Zsadist, Rhage, Vishous, and Phury scrawled across the pages with little hearts and flowers and other signs of adoration. But those weren’t how you spelled those words. Even being a dick I knew that those were spelled wrong. But what did they mean.

“Hey, Edward, there are questions on there!” I yelled when I spotted them.
Edward scanned the questions, reading them out loud.

“What is your favorite movie/song? What does puss taste like? And would either of you ever consider getting a tattoo or piercing? – Well, we can go ahead and answer these, I guess. Here’s the tape recorder that they use. What do you say, Rod? Want to be interviewed?” Edward looked down at me, smiling some just as the doors to the interview room burst open and Crystal and Shannon flew in, all flushed and flustered.

“Sorry!” they yelled in tandem as they ran over to their chairs, sitting and motioning for Edward and me to do the same.

“What kept you?” Edward asked in a bit of a sour tone. Apparently he didn’t like to be kept waiting.

“Oh, um, well, I was, um,” Shannon started to say.

“You see, there’s these books, and yea, um,” Crystal continued.

“Zsadist taking me from behind, Vishous tying me down…” Shannon breathed out like she was imaging it in her head.

“Rhage…monster…bed…Phury…” Crystal muttered as her chest and neck flushed scarlet.

Edward stood up, enraged suddenly. “Who the fuck are Zsadist, Vishous, Rhage, and Phury?!”

“Oh, you see, they are, well, they are part of the Black Dagger Brotherhood,” Shannon explained while Crystal fingered the stack of books that I had spotted earlier on the table.

“So, you’re cheating on me?” Edward said softly as he sat back down.

“No, Edward! You’re the only man for us. These guys are…fictional…yeah, fictional. Just books. You’re real,” Crystal said, trying to comfort him.

“Plus, there’s no peen like Rod,” Shannon added in and I puffed up a little at her saying that. I really was one of a kind. I mean, what other peen talked?

“Look, I know you have a special time planned with Hot Puss and Bella tonight, so let’s get with the questions so you can go get ready, ok?” Shannon said as she smiled softly at me, then at Edward.

He sighed and handed over the cards to her so that we could get the questions done.

“Ok, so I was unable to see all the questions that had been posted because of being distracted by a lot of pictures of Rod impersonators, but Crystal and I remembered these questions had been asked, so here we go. What is your favorite movie and/or song?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” I said, speaking before Edward. “I have two favorite songs. The first is ‘Dear Penis’ by Rodney Carrington, and the other is ‘Pink Thing’ by XTC.”

– Dear Penis

– Pink Thing

“Of course both of your favorite songs would be about you!” Edward interjected and I scowled at him.



Our names flew out of Shannon and Crystal’s mouths.

“Let’s just get back to the questions. It seems like the two of you have things to work out and the ladies are waiting anxiously to read this interview. Ok, Edward, your favorite song,” Shannon took charge of the interview while Crystal sat there, eyeing the both of us to see if we were going to brawl.

I just so needed to get laid. Maybe tonight…

“Well, I don’t really have a favorite. It just depends on the mood. If I’m excited, I might go for something like Thirty Seconds to Mars, or if I’m in a love ballad mood, maybe some Firehouse. It really all depends on what I’m feeling,” Edward replied, sighing in pleasure that the question was easy to answer.

“Ok, you two, favorite movie,” Crystal asked.

“Total Recall,” Edward and I said at the same time.

“Really, the same movie? Why?” Crystal asked.

“Three tits,” I purred.

“Sci-fi,” Edward purred.

“Well, I guess we can see where your interests lay, Rod,” Shannon snickered.

“Shut it,” Edward and I mumbled at the same time. Wow, we really did think alike.

“Ok, next question. What does puss taste like?” Shannon asked.

“You take this one, you’re in it more than I am,” Edward said, looking down at me.

“But you have the taste buds,” I countered. “Besides, I’m always in a biohazard suit.”

“True, true. Ok, well, it depends on the woman’s chemistry as to what she tastes like. Puss, in general, has a slightly salty, slightly metallic taste to it, but can be sweet too. Imagine a green banana with a bit of salt and a penny or ten, mix them together, heat it up, and make it wet and fleshy, and you pretty much have pussy.

Some taste worse, some taste better. It all depends on the diet, cleanliness routine, and her diet and chemistry. But, I’ve only eaten a few pussies that I didn’t like, which is why the scratch and sniff method is key,” Edward sat back, looking pleased with himself while I watched Shannon and Crystal shift slightly, no doubt thinking about Edward eating them. Hmmmm, wonder what they would taste like…

“Ok,” Crystal said, panting slightly. “Last question. Piercings or tattoos, either of you think about getting them?”

“Yeah,” Shannon said with a big exhale like she had been holding her breath, “ever thought of getting an apadravya or a dydoe or nipple or facial piercings?”

“Well, let me first say that I’m not fond of the idea of a hollow needle taking any of me with it just to have a cold piece of surgical steel shoved into the empty spot. So, no, I doubt I’ll ever get whatever those were that you said,” I said matter-of-factly.

No needle was getting into me without justified reasons.

“I’ll have to agree with Rod,” Edward said, surprising me. He never agreed with me.

“Piercings are fine for some, but not for me. I’ve never even had my ear pierced.”

“Ok, well what about tattoos?” Crystal asked.

“None for me,” I quickly replied. “Needles, remember?” I added on in case she had forgotten.

“Well, now, tattoos are entirely different. I’ve thought about getting one for a while. Just haven’t decided what to get yet. Maybe I’ll get Puff the Magic Dragon covering Rod,” Edward said in an evil manner and I began to cower. Maybe I needed to be a good peen for a little while.

“Ok, boys, behave,” Shannon scolded us.

“Yeah, and why don’t you remind the ladies to ask questions in the comments of the interview for next week? Also, did you tell them about the Tomato Soup Awards?” Crystal added in.

“Oh yeah!” I perked up. “I got best overall character, best genitalia description, best title, and best cherry pop for my ride in Cherry Baby.”

“Wait, Bleriana you mean?” Edward asked.

“Yep, that sweet cherry pie won us an award!”

“Holy shit! Well, Bleriana, I have to share the award with you. What do you say to another ride on Rod?” Edward asked with a devilish grin, knowing that Shannon and Crystal would let her know he asked. I was hoping that she would say yes. She was a damn fine specimen of puss.

“Ok, we’ll pass that along. And, you two go get ready for the club. And don’t forget, next week we’ll be back for another session of Ask the P33n so ladies, ask your questions!”

Bleriana side note: Congrats on winning! It was very well deserved (and I am not only saying this because I kind of won one of the prizes aswell). Next year you might win best description of pussy flavour. Just an idea ;)

And yes, I’d be very much interested in another ride on Rod, Eddie. I never get enough of that p33n…

Ladies, feel free to ask questions, if you’re too embarassed to do so in the comments, do it on the FB group or e-mail me and I will forward the questions. Either way, don’t hesitate!