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Hey ladies, we are back this week for another session of Ask the P33n with Edward and Rod Pattinhead! I know last week was a bit different than the others, but fear not! We have questions this week! I’m just waiting for Edward and Rod Pattinhead to arrive, and oh! Here they are now!
“Edward! Rod! How are my favorite two?” I ask as Edward walks in, removing his signature Ray Ban sunglasses before depositing them on a table beside his chair and undoing his jeans to pull out Rod.
“Hey Shannon,” Edward says as he smiles his panty dropping crooked grin at me, and I totally swoon for it.
“Hi,” I reply breathlessly. I know I get to see these two on a regular basis, but they still get me every time.
“Shannon, my sweet,” Rod purrs at me and I have the sudden urge to straddle Edward and mount Rod. But, I have to hold that at bay because we have questions that need to be answered.
“Rod, always the charmer. Are you well?” I ask, trying to keep the conversation G rated for the time being, but Rod has no qualms about turning it for his own desires.
“Fuck no! This asshole up here won’t let me get any!” Rod growls while scowling up at Edward, who looks at me with an ashamed expression.
“Sorry about him, Shannon. He’s apparently going through pussy withdrawals,” Edward explains and I bite my tongue before I offer my aide in remedying the situation. We should move on with the questions.
“Ok, you two. Let’s get to the questions. First comes from Christa Sixtfourc – I just bought new shampoo that smells amazing and put me instantly ‘in the mood’. I was wondering if there was a particular smell that does the same for you?” I really want to know so that I can go shopping when this is over and make Edward and Rod want me in a Pavlovian manner.
“Well, I know Rod’s answer will be pussy in general, so we can just skip him on this question. For me, the scent that gets me going is the scent of a turned on woman.
If I can smell her arousal, I’m ready to go,” Edward says, looking at me through his lashes in a way that I’m sure he can smell my arousal for him and Rod. Please?
“Dumbass! The smell of a woman’s arousal IS the smell of pussy! See, you’re just as much of a dick as I am,” Rod sneers at Edward, effectively breaking the eye fucking that Edward and I were doing. Damn that dick!
“Ok, next question comes from Jenny Loser – I’m new to your Ask The P33n feature, so please forgive me if this question has been posed previously. What’s your perspective on the topic of grooming? Smooth as a baby’s bottom? Neatly trimmed? Or full and fluffy?”
“Welcome Jenny,” Rod purrs at her, bouncing a little to make her squirm. Shit! He’s making me squirm, a movement that doesn’t go unnoticed by either him or Edward. I just pretend that I have no idea what they are looking at.
“Yes, Jenny, welcome to the insanity. So glad to have you, beautiful,” Edward adds in, as if to top Rod’s welcome. “I think we’ve had this before, too, but to answer your question, for myself and Rod, I like us to be groomed short, but for women, it all depends on the woman and the puss. I’ve been with those that are smooth, neatly trimmed, and even a few full and fluffy’s. While the full and fluffy aren’t my personal favorite, because I don’t like to floss when I’m eating, I can still deal with it in order to please the woman.”
“Ok, next question comes from Stephanie Schaefer – If I asked Rod and Edward to dress me up in the sexiest outfit to turn them on how would they dress me? Surprise, surprise, Steph is taking notes, I’m sure,” I laugh as I add that on.
“Steph Job! Steph Job! Steph Job!” Rod starts shouting and Edward tries to fist him to muffle the shouts.
“Shush, dick!” Edward growled at him while looking up at me apologetically and I really rethink offering my services to help Rod out. But, Edward apparently manhandles him enough to get him to calm down.
“Sorry about that,” Rod says, looking ashamed. “I’m an addict. But, Steph, to answer your question, if I was the one dressing you, I’d just leave you naked and accessible since I don’t have opposable thumbs with which to remove any of your clothes. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind though,” Rod adds in and I have the sudden urge to strip naked for him. But then Edward speaks up and my mind changes.
“My idea is a little different, my dear Steph. I find a woman sexy when she’s confident in what she’s wearing. A woman in a power suit and stiletto pumps is instant hard on for me. But, so is a woman who’s in matching bra and panties with thigh highs and a garter belt. Then again, I can find a woman in yoga pants and a sports bra a massive turn on too. As I said, it’s all about the confidence. So, come visit me in whatever you want to wear, just be confident in it.” Man, Edward sure is smooth with that one.
“Ok, last question for you two comes from Checked Out – When you’re on set, do you use a fluffer? Or do you get yourself up? (I volunteer to be your fluffer),” don’t we all, honey. Don’t we all?
“That’s an interesting question. Because I have, in fact, required a fluffer a few times when Rod decided to get stage fright,” Edward says and Rod looks ready to pop with anger.
“Shut up, asshole! I didn’t have stage fright and I wasn’t laying down on the job, either! You had worked me to death that day and I was fucking exhausted! You try stuffing six pusses in one day and cumming like seven or eight times! It’s a hard life!” Rod was fuming and Edward just cupped his hand over his head and started to answer instead.
“I remember the day he’s talking about, and yeah, it had been busy. But it hadn’t been our busiest. Rod, here, is just making excuses,” Edward says and I hear muffled screams from under Edward’s cupped hand. “But, now that I’m out of the business, I don’t require a fluffer, but having a woman on her knees before me wouldn’t be a bad thing at this moment, but I’m trying to be a one woman man right now.”
Edward’s final comment was like a knife to my heart as I realize that his one woman isn’t me.
“Ok, thanks guys. I think this session is done and I’ll see you two next week, same time and same place.”
I gather my things and smile at both of them as I walk out of the room with my wounded heart. Damn that Bella!